The Love We Deserve: A Call to Self-Love This February

February, often celebrated as the month of love, arrives wrapped in red roses, heart-shaped chocolates, and grand gestures of affection. The media would have us believe that this is the time to focus on romantic love, that our worth is measured by whether we receive a bouquet or a candlelit dinner reservation. But what if we shifted that focus? What if, instead of seeking love externally, we turned inward?

For many, especially those with a history of trauma, self-love can feel elusive, even foreign. Trauma plants seeds of self-doubt, growing into deeply rooted beliefs that whisper, You’re not good enough. You’re not normal enough. You’re not lovable enough. These thoughts, though powerful, are not truths. They are wounds that need tending. The journey to healing begins with reclaiming love for ourselves.

But what does self-love actually look like? It’s not always as obvious as self-care rituals or affirmations in the mirror (though those can be valuable). Sometimes, self-love appears in the quiet moments—when we feel pride in our accomplishments, no matter how small. Sometimes, it shows up in the conscious decisions we make to support our growth, be it through therapy, learning, or acts of self-compassion. As Dr. Gabor Maté says, "Recognizing that something else is possible, and that you’re worth that possibility."

Self-love is also evident in the boundaries we set—the ways we honor and protect our time, our mental space, and our physical well-being. We know that boundary-setting can be incredibly difficult, especially for those who have been conditioned to prioritize others over themselves. But each step toward maintaining those limits is a declaration of self-worth.

Loving yourself also means acknowledging your past without letting it define your future. It means understanding that healing is not linear and that progress, however slow, is still progress. There will be days when self-doubt creeps in, when old wounds feel fresh again, and that’s okay. The key is to meet yourself with kindness in those moments, to remind yourself that you are doing the best you can with what you have.

Another essential aspect of self-love is self-acceptance. Many of us hold ourselves to impossibly high standards, believing that we must be perfect to be worthy. But perfection is an illusion, and self-love flourishes when we embrace our flaws as part of what makes us uniquely human. Learning to appreciate ourselves as we are—not as we think we should be—is one of the most profound acts of love we can offer ourselves.

Self-love is also about giving ourselves permission to experience joy. So often, we delay happiness, telling ourselves we’ll feel worthy once we accomplish a goal or reach a certain milestone. But we don’t have to earn joy—it is our birthright. Whether it’s indulging in a favorite hobby, spending time in nature, or simply laughing with friends, these moments of joy are vital to our well-being and should be cherished.

So this February, let’s redefine what love means. Let’s commit to the love that sustains us, the love that starts from within. Whether it’s choosing rest without guilt, allowing ourselves grace in our imperfections, or simply believing that we are deserving—this is the love we should be celebrating.

Because the most enduring, transformative love story is the one we cultivate with ourselves. And when we learn to truly love and honor ourselves, we set the foundation for all other relationships in our lives.

This month, let’s embrace the idea that we are already enough, just as we are. Let’s give ourselves the same love and care that we so freely offer to others. And let’s remember that self-love is not a destination, but a practice—one that we must nurture every day, long after February has passed.